Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
