I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
