I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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