Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
