I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Damn victory sex feels great
All the doctor said was why
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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