her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
