I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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