Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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