You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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