wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
