ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
