I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
