Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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