I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
