you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize