when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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