I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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