Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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