She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
