before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My vagina is officially offended.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
