A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
