i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
