The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is Oprah even human
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
