I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my liver is dry heaving
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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