we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
