Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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