You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
