Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
