I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize