Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
