end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
