FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
