did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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