i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
