ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
