Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize