Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
