Already got asked if we're dating
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
