Sry I called you an 8
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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