either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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