I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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