ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
