I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
