I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
