Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
