we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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