I want to make a zoo with you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You did what with his pubic hair?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
