Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
