he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just high enough for therapy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
