Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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