i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
