Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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