All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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