Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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