Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
