That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
