ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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