why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
