You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
