he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
