I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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