Im at strip club and am horny
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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