i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
