I wish they made helmets for livers.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
