her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
