Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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