just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
