I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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