I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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